mouse powered electricity farm
Tags: MI# 318
In an environment where people are increasingly interested in new options for clean power, I propose that a program be instituted that allows all the mice of the world to help in the fight against global warming.
In the same way that the power generated from privately owned windmills is often sold to local electricity providers for redistribution, we believe that all owners of small rodents should be able to use the power generated from mouse wheels to the same effect. Currently, almost none of the rotational energy created by mice, rats, chinchillas, chipmunks, guinea pigs, and hampsters (not to mention the occasional irrationally exhuberant ferret) is being captured or exploited for human use.
I propose that every rodent wheel in the country should be outfitted with a special device that will be heretofore referred to as "little collector gizmo". "Little collector gizmo" will collect the energy created by all those billions of spinning wheels, and route the energy to regional power plants.
I will also create large housing facilities made up of hundreds of thousands of multiple smaller units, each of which be inhabited by a small energy creating rodent and will contain a wheel augmented with one "little collector gizmo". These "mouse farms" will not only generate enough power to be self-sustaining, but will also generate enough income to cover all other expenses and fund a large pro-mouse farm lobby.
I feel confident that through creative accounting our company can officially operate at a loss for the forseeable future, despite raking in a considerable gross "profit" and having few real world expenses. Because the United States government is in the process of investigating and funding numerous alternative energy options, we feel confident our pro-mouse farm lobby can repeatedly achieve both tax incentives and federal grant money in order to accentuate our "profit", e.i.e., available funds for bonuses and salaries while we continue to effectively operate at a net "loss" on the corporate level.
Due to the resistance from some environmental activists (who will heretofore be referred to as "cranks") who insist that the amount of methane expelled from mouse farms will ultimately offset the power benefits, the pro-mouse farm lobby will launch a public relations campaign to assure the public that mice do not poop, and if they do poop, their poops are very tiny and inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. I feel confident that the influence of the "cranks" can be effectively nullified with pro-mouse farm lobby supported legal prosecutions of their leaders coupled with a fun television ad campaign.
Once the success of mouse farms has been established, we will expand our operations to include "hippie bicyclist farms", "spinning greatful dead dancer farms", and of course, "imprisoned environmental activist farms". Because the wheels involved in these latter examples are much larger, we foresee a bright and shining future for the company.
Kenyata Sullivan, ceo The Majestic Twelve Corporation
http://www.themajestictwelve.com
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It would probably be easier to have a mouse-fired steam furnace!
FYI, there have been mass infestations "Down Under" that might make you feel otherwise about sustainability. BTW, I clicked on your site link: if you have any open source music, maybe post it here? The billy stuff is pretty darn good. . .
My wife just pointed out that I neglected to include gerbils in my original proposal.
I apologize to all of our shareholders for this glaring omission, as well as to all gerbil owners who have been feeling disinfrachised due to our lack of oversight.
We at The Majestic Twelve Corporation have the utmost respect for gerbils and their owners, and are deeply disturbed that this accidental and unintentional exclusion may have led certain people to believe otherwise.
Some of our best friends are gerbils, and we did not intend to imply that gerbils are not an extremely valued member of the rodent housepet community. We recognize and applaud all of the patriotic sacrifices made by gerbils in order to forward the overall well-being of our great American society, and we are deeply embarrassed by this clarical error.
Kenyata Sullivan, ceo The Majestic Twelve Corporation
www.themajestictwelve.com